Pumpkins, and Museums, and Hikes

Sorry for my absence; I didn't mean to leave everyone hanging. Mostly, I have been trying to get life back to normal. So, Mon. we went to a friend's house and carved pumpkins and played. Yesterday, we tried to go to a museum, got there (an hour drive) and it was closed, had been vandalized (a science museum - nice), so ended up going to a nature center for a hike. I know, air quality. But, it was our bodies or our souls, and I picked soothing the souls. We needed it. Jamie collected treasures, all of which, except the plastic, we left behind, we listened to the sounds of nature, smelled the smells, saw some lizards, the kids played with some puppets and a tree for a long time in the center and we left feeling more human.

Last night, I went out with some friends, won a costume contest, as a clown vampire. Don't you wish I had pictures. Seeing me dressed up was all Jamie needed to get excited for Halloween. And now that I have won first place with the clown vampire costume, he thinks it's the best ever (it's not, BTW, only 2 of us actually came dressed and I was the only one who went so far as to put on face make-up. You only live once people.). He normally counts down to a holiday, but with everything going on, he had lost his focus on Halloween. It's baaack.

Pictures will be coming. I needed the hike to get myself more relaxed, more focused, more human. Carrying around my camera and recording life seemed too much. Now it seems fun again.

In the meantime, here's some knitting news, which did carry me through:


Darren's socks - done. I will NEVER do two socks at once My friend Marina only does two socks at once, so don't think this means it's too hard. To each their own. I hated untangling the yarn. I hated the stopping. I hated that each sock grew more slowly. I would rather knit once sock fast then two socks slowly. Perhaps it's that Marina knits at the speed of light and so she knits two socks fast. In fact, once my first ball of yarn was done, I separated the socks and knit them separately. I loved magic loop for socks, but my cable was too short. So when I picked up stitched for my gusset, I had too many stitches, concentrated too hard, and messed up my pattern. The socks are still serviceable.

My sweater - Maybe halfway done. I love, love, love it. I stopped for a while when it said, "Slip 370 some odd stitches onto scrap yarn and try it on." When I finally did that, it fit! Yeah. And I loved it, and was inspired to keep knitting until I finished the ball. Now I have to wind more yarn. I've stopped again. But, I love it. I love knitting sweaters from the top down; this is my first time. The construction makes sense to me. I love that it's seamless. I love that the pattern is telling me how to fit it to my body. I love it.

Jamie's socks - Started going to be awesome. Already ripped all the way out once part way out once and I just started them 2 days ago. But they are going to be great. Really.

It's raining :-).

We're still here

Ash from our backyard magnified 60 times

I think it's all good. The news reports are so conflicting, and difficult to get at all, that it's hard to tell sometimes, but the containment has gone up 5%, it's foggy this morning (that has to be good), and officials are madly telling people not to evacuate (oddly enough, the opposite of their normal line; "You may have seen flames last night (not us) but you don't need to evacuate.").

So, good new, bad news:

1). Most news reports say it hasn't crossed the county line.

2). One said "A ball of fire just crossed the county line." Now, since there's no line out there saying "County line" I'm not really sure how anyone would know "a ball of fire" crossed it, but there you have it.

3). The fire is still 3 miles from the freeway in question.

4). It started, I don't know, 20 miles?, from the freeway.

5). One official has been quoted as saying 2 our of 3 major freeways in my area, plus a minor one, are in danger from the fire.

6). Other officials keep saying it's not getting that far.

7). One of the things I hate about my house is it's so far from the freeways :-).

8). Last night, bulldozers to make fire breaks were being brought down my major cross street.

9). It's a really long street. And I imagine they were on the far eastern end. For my sister's benefit, where you went to Target.

10). The internet is an amazing thing, making me able to get much more information, than say, the radio or t.v., who are really tired of this whole fire story.

Most importantly, I've heard from everyone I know (bar one) in the affected areas and they are fine, and to their knowledge, their homes are fine. Some aren't able to go home yet. But they are o.k.

Come Monday, if we're still here, Jamie and I will be bringing food to an evacuation center.

What a week!

I am fortunate. I am fortunate. I am fortunate.

That said, now I am monitoring a fire, deciding if we will be leaving our house or not. It's still far, more than 20 miles. I'm not sure how far, because it's hard to get updated information. I know that the closest housing development to the east had a meeting with fire officials saying they didn't need to evacuate yet. Honestly, I hadn't been paying that close of attention to the fire until that. It was a whole county away. Turns out, it's only 1/2 a mile from my county.

I have given it a freeway; if it crosses it, we go. If it stays on the other side, we stay.

Yesterday, I spent the day throwing up. Migraine, flu, ash? Who knows. I seem better today.

I'm tired.

No rest for the wicked

I must be very wicked indeed.

In our last installment, it was possible that my sister was going to be evacuated, which she did. She was not under mandatory evacuation orders but, the freeways were closing and they were worried that they would get stuck at an evacuation center. So, they took their opportunity while roads were still open.

Jamie had been mentioning that our house was big enough for six people so he had his wishes fulfilled. And, Arrow had training with cats :-)!

I am not a t.v. watcher. Darren watches sports, and financial shows sometimes, but I have not watched national news in a long time. My patience was limited.

The comparisons with Katrina, "People here are being so kind, they are even bringing food." Hmm, perhaps it could be that there are people left to bring food?

"How about the air quality?"

"Well, people with emphysema are having problems."

"And what about the little children?"

Are you kidding me? What about the little children? Seriously? You can't make yourself more useful than that? Interview someone in power, someone who has information, someone who knows whether the fires are stabilizing, getting better, getting worse? No, you're going to ask obvious questions about the "little children."

So, that was enough news to last me for a long, long time.

Now, here's the PSA:

1. Have an emergency plan. Know when you are going to evacuate, what you are going to take with you, prioritize what you will take with you. Many of those who evacuated said they got 2 trips to their cars. What would you take if you could only take 2 trips?

2. Have an emergency kit. We have 10 days of water and food. That is a lot of water. We rotate it and check expiration dates. We will be hungry, but we won't starve. A friend of mine had a great idea, which was a 5 lb thing of beans, a 5 lb thing of rice and seal it well. You can live on that for quite awhile. Add some cans.

3. When you evacuate, wear sturdy shoes.

4. Get a non-electric cell phone charger. When power is out, you cannot pump gas (I learned this in Seattle this weekend). You are not going to want to be wasting gas charging your cell phone.

5. All of your stuff is just stuff.

Anyone else have good tips?

A correct, some intros, an award, miscellany

First, I added over to protect to yesterday's post, which really gets to the point of it. A quick post, is bound, for me, to not be quite right. And, there you have it. Parents do protect their children. Hopefully, they don't cripple them.


O.k., some introductions (in alpha order):


Colours of Dawn A HSing Canadian (what is it about Canadians? Maybe I should move north) who lives the rural life. In Nov., she's going to post about making sauerkraut. I personally am glues. For those of you not looking to make to stinky cabbage, there's bunches more.



Like I have Time for This whose description says it all "Doing my part to show the world that the homeschooling community is more than just a bunch of crazy funda- mentalists. There's plain old regular crazy people who homeschool, too. Like me."



Marla Baltes who is homeschooling while helping her daughter medically.


Playing Hooky who is exploring homeschooling her preschool daughter.


Chelle awarded me the Wonder Woman award (Thanks, Chelle.) Being a total Wonder Woman groupy in my youth, I had to think of what this meant. WW had 3 main powers: the lasso of truth, the invisible jet, and the golden bracelets that could deflect bullets. Hey, wait a minute. She owned all those things. Those weren't real powers. The fall of an idol right here while I'm typing. Just another way for the cartoon programmers to promote consumerism. Oh, wait, I'm getting distracted:


1. The lasso of truth: In this I'm secure, I must here 10 times a day at my house, "I don't want to lie to you," which means the truth is forthcoming shortly.


2. The invisible jet: Well, my main transportation is a Prius. It's visible, but it gets better gas mileage than the invisible jet, I'm sure. However, I can sneak up on trouble brewing unnoticed. I'm giving myself a pass.


3.The golden bracelets: I always get killed when we play good guy bad guy, and I get denied any chocolate with super hero powers, however, I do wear my watch of power. It can stop a play group with one tick. Now, that's a bracelet of power.



O.k., I think I pass the wonder woman test. Even if my outfit is considerably more at home mom than kick ass super hero.

I would like to pass this on to:

Fourmother: I want to be Fourmother when I grow up.

Regularmom: Humor, and, grace, and I'm pretty sure she had some golden bracelets of her own

and

Marla Baltes: She is one of the many people who are homeschooling children with medical conditions. I take my hat off to them.

We were supposed to go to a museum today, but we have cancelled due to all the fires over SoCal. We, ourselves, are not in any immediate danger; there's no fires anywhere near us. However, there are fires between us and the museum, and roads will be closed. Also, there are fires near my sister, and she called, just in case, so she could come here (although we had already decided to stay home). Finally, we live in what is considered a high fire area. Last night, it was hard to sleep, listening to the winds whip through our canyon; they calm down in the day. While I told Jamie about the fires closing the roads, far from us, I always feel the need to be close to home in these conditions, just in case.

Things are supposed to calm down tomorrow. Keep all the people who are in danger in your thoughts and think no fire thoughts for us.

ETA: Chelle (and others), I think it's great that you are planning to send the kids to a french immersion program. I speak just enough of other languages to identify myself as an American. A smattering of French (grew up in what had been a French Canadian community, french was still taught, although the transition to Spanish was being made), enough Spanish to understand, but to be too embarrassed to actually speak, and Chinese enough to say hello, thanks, and watermelon?

I hope to do better by Jamie, but doubt I will. Our society just doesn't support second languages well.

A quick post

I have some maintenance to do, blogs to add, an award I've been given (thanks again, Chelle), things to clean up.

But, here's a quick post, linking to Regularmom. She wrote a post that resonated with me on worrying and homeschooling. What if we homeschool not for our stated reasons, but to over protect our kids? The demon I wrestle with. Check it out.

The All American Sport

The green grass, the red dirt, little kids in their uniforms, coaches yelling, "Git ready boys."

I knit faster.

The chanting begins. "Hey, batta, batta, batta, hey, batta, batta, batta."

My needles move faster. Generally, I am a fairly slow, nonchalant knitter. But, I have found, at baseball games, my needles fly. Is it the excitement of the game, the thrill in the air? Or, perhaps, my need to keep myself from stabbing someone in the eye? Yep, that would be it.

I hate baseball.

It's one coach, one team, that started it all: the chanting, the competitiveness. But, now, they are all embroiled. I actually heard Jamie's coach, who initially was horrified that a coach was getting 5 year olds to chant at each other (an appropriate reaction for kids who are hitting off a tee and sometimes running the wrong direction) encourage our team to chant back. Because, as we all know, two wrongs do make a right.

Luckily, Jamie shares my hatred of baseball. "You know why I don't like it. Because you start playing and it's daytime and you finish and it's nightime. I've wasted a whole day!" So, when the season is over (only a few more weeks to go), this is a torture I won't have to repeat anytime soon. In the meantime, I'm out of my knitting slump and Jamie is learning that other time honored American tradition, "If you signed up for something, you see it out to the bitter (oh so bitter) end."

Unfortunately, everytime we see a football game, his head whips around and he asks me to stop the car so we can watch.

Swimming is a sport I can really endorse.

The Second Six Weeks

Cover Page
Originally uploaded by hjdong

I hope no one has been imagining us miserable while I haven't been blogging.

We have been enjoying the fall weather, gardening, cleaning, organizing, and, oh, going to Legoland :-).

We have come to the end of the 2nd six weeks of homeschooling for us. So, here's the review and update. We did a lapbook on the human body. Jamie loved it; you can see more pictures at flickr. I got better as we went on at taking pictures of experiments we were doing so he could add them to his "book." Science was definitely his favorite thing. He loves Magic School Bus books. His overall response was "I didn't even know what was in my body before this." So, I would consider that a success.

He also played the hawk in the Frog and Toad play his book club put on last week. It was really cute. You can see a picture of the costume he and his friend L drew and painted on Flickr as well. That group, as well as the attached homeschool group, has been really good for him. They do a lot of fun things, playing with dry ice, making "sculptures" with food, blowing up balloons with baking soda and vinegar, making slime, just playing.

Really, I was pleased with the second six weeks, much more so than the first. But, there's always room for improvement, so:

1. I need to invite his friends to the house more. He keeps asking for me too. We get together with people a lot but he really wants to have people over.

2. Make an effort to do things with some of the kids he's become friendly with at the homeschool group outside of the group.

3. Find time for myself.

4. Take better care of household stuff.

5. Give Jamie more household responsibilities.

Thanks

Thanks to everyone for their sympathy. Jamie already seems to b improving. Yes, the braces are teeth braces, although, technically, they are "appliances." They are cemented into his mouths, but don't run along his teeth with way braces would. If you were to see him, you would think he has a drooling and lisping problem, but no braces :-). Amazing, I can already see gaps in his teeth (no wonder it hurts!) where there were none before. I'm not imagining it. Other people can to (unless, of course, they are shining on the crazy, tired, mommy).

I have lots other to post on, and Jamie is sleeping at night (yeah!), but I'm still worn. Not sleeping=migraine=migraine meds=tired anyway. But, I keep meaning to answer Fourmother's question from a few posts back. Here is where I found my CSA. A bit of a warning, I found that a lot of the farms let their information go out of date (i.e. America is cruel to small farms and they go out of business. If you're out of business, you hardly go onto a website and change your listing). For that reason, you also want to make sure you, if you decide to go the CSA route, find one that has been in business for a while.

To the other question. Yes, it's is expensive. It is one of those situations where I put my money where my mouth is (and I can afford to, not everyone can). It is also not so expensive that I am horrified by it. It costs me just over $30 a week for a shitoad of vegetables. I could easily go every other week without wanting, but I like to force myself, and my family, to eat a shitload of vegetables (both the vegetable and meat bin full every week plus overflow). It's good for us. When we finally get our land to the point of having our own garden, we will go down to every other week.

The bonus is, I stock up on meat when it is on sale (although soon I won't even have to do that), use vinegar and baking soda (and magic erasers :-) and zout) to clean with, and rarely go to the grocery store. I find that I am really saving money, because I have reduced my impulse buys at the grocery store. I get necessities and that's it. But, it depends on how disciplined a shopper you are; if you already do that, if you aren't buying packages, frozen, expensive, convenience, goods (and starbucks while you're shopping), then you won't save.

I have the benefit of having an extra freezer. It helps. I don't know if I would have saved before we moved.

And I'm jealous you have you're own plot. Plant potatoes.

Geez

Braces went on Tues. Sleep has been elusive. Motrin does not last for four hours. At night, when it wears off, it results in crying, and screaming, and you should hear Jamie (kidding). This morning, at 4, I put on a movie, just to get us through, until the medicine worked, and we could sleep.

I have been given the o.k. from the dentist the do the Tylenol/Motrin switch, but am already finding it difficult. In my reduced capacity, I need to write down what medicine he had last to avoid an accidental overdose (why this is generally not a good idea, although you will frequently hear it recommended; do not do it if you have not been advised to. Then do it with care. Just my own advise. Take it or not.).

I'm drinking all the coffee I can stand. And more.

I finished the heel of the socks (before all of this). In fact, I finished the first heel the first day, then ran out of (wound) yarn, hopelessly (for me) tangled the yarn while winding, Darren unwound it, and I finished the second. Somehow, I have managed to "forget" (see above) that I am knitting a garter rib pattern, so the foot is a plain rib pattern. Oops. Or, I did that on purpose, to give more support to the foot. Yeah, that's it.

Practice Thanksgiving

Each year for, well, some years, we have held practice Thanksgiving with a group of friends. It began when one friend wanted to make a fried Turkey but didn't want to serve it on Thanksgiving for the first time. So, we all got together, as we frequently do for dinner, and practice Thanksgiving was born.

Most years, we realize that it is time for practice Thanksgiving too close to Thanksgiving and have pasta. But, nonetheless, it is the representation, a group of friends who would be sharing this meal together, if we didn't all have families to celebrate with, so it is still called Thanksgiving no matter what is served. This year, however, after becoming friends with Chelle, I had a plan. Practice Thanksgiving would be held on Canadian Thanksgiving (the more historically accurate date of the two Thanksgivings BTW), being far enough to allow for Thanksgiving food.

Three grocery stores later, I had a turkey. No respect for our friends to the north, I tell you.

Jamie is the only child in this group of friends. In fact, they are all single (and as my sister pointed out, not a Canadian in sight) so he is on stage at the the table. He goes through, the rather usual, for us, questioning of the slaughter of the turkey. How it was killed, what knife the butcher used, if he slit the jugular vein of cut his head off, on and on and on, and he now has everyone's attention. So, he asks if I am Darren's sister; so we go straight from slaughtering to incest, hemophilia, and societal taboos.

Then, he says, "I want my family." To which, I reply, "You have your family." He says, "What is a family?" and since he has not directed the question to me, but to on of our friends, I decide to allow someone else to field this philosophical bombshell.

"We are."

Soup is good food

Note: here's a link to what a CSA is.

1. Just because you don't like a vegetable the 1st, 2nd, or 10th time you eat it, doesn't mean you don't like it. Try a new recipe.
2. Even your most favorite foods can be ho hum if you get them regularly enough.
3. Kale is an ingredient not a dish unto itself. If you serve (at least my family) a big old plate of kale, nobody, but nobody, is going to eat it.
4. Cut the stems off the kale. They are bitter and nasty (anyone care the guess which vegetable it took 10 tries for us to like?).
4. There is a limit to the amount of salad and cabbage a family of 3 can receive in a given time before the mother will break down crying.
5. You really should compost if you're going to have a CSA. And I do still feel guilty that I haven't gotten mine started yet.
6. When you're refrigerator is overflowing with vegetables because you've gotten behind (some weeks are just like that), make a soup. Double the recipe. Freeze some.
7. Even though you might really like the carrots, the potatoes, the squashes, they save well. The kale, the arugula, the salad, the greens don't. Start there.
8. Freshly grown produce really does taste better. A lot better.
9. A corollary of 8, but deserving of it's own line, grocery store potatoes are disgusting. I never knew that. Now I do. Really mealy. Inedible. If we don't have CSA potatoes, we do without.
10. Substitute, substitute substitute. Don't buy a vegetable because it's in your recipe and you don't have it. Your refrigerator is full of vegetables, something will work. That said, I do occasionally buy fruit; we don't get that much fruit. And, having recently had some celery at a park day, I realized we have had no celery at all from the CSA (nearly 9 months). Since celery was one of Jamie's favorite, I'm going to breakdown and get him a head. You know, a special treat. Celery.

So, the soup I made yesterday, and everyone loved, because we had way too many vegetables. The recipe is from my CSA, Tierra Miguel.

Kale and Roasted Vegetable Soup

3 med. carrots, peeled and quartered lengthwise
2 lg. tomatoes, quartered
1 lg. onion, cut into 8 wedges or 4-5 slices
1/2 butternut squash, peeled, seeded, cut lengthwise into 1/2" thick wedges (I used a combo of butternut squash and pumpkin I had frozen from last year)
6 garlic cloves
1 T olive oil
6 cups or more vegetable broth
4 c finely chopped kale (remember what I said about removing the stems)
3 lg. fresh thyme sprigs (I used dried sprigs)
1 bay leaf
1 15 oz can of great Northern whit beans, drained (I used pinto beans)

Preheat oven to 400. Spray rimmed baking sheet with nonstick oil spray. Arrange carrots, tomatoes, onion, squash, and garlic on sheet. Drizzle with olive oil. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Toss to coat. Roast until vegetables are brown and tender, stirring occasionally, about 45 min.

Transfer carrots and squash to a work surface. Cut into 1/2" pieces and set aside. Peel garlic cloves, place in processor (I used a blender). Add tomatoes and onion; puree until almost smooth. Pour 1/2 cup broth onto baking sheet, scrape up any brown bits (I skipped this step; my tomatoes were juicy enough that I didn't have any brown stuck on bits). Transfer broth and vegetable puree into large pot. Add 5 1/2 c. broth, kale, thyme, and bay leaf to pot. Bring to boil, reduce heat. Simmer uncovered until kale is tender, about 30 min.

Add beans, carrots, and squash to soup. Simmer 8 minutes to blend flavors, adding more broth to thin soup if necessary. Season with salt and pepper, discard thyme and bay leaf.

Add some bread and you have a delicious meal, that uses up a lot of veggies (if you've doubled it).

Some intros and a Meme

I have been adding some blogs I read without introducing them, which is my custom. I've been busy to blog too regularly, and have been slacking. So, here are the new regulars I'm reading, in alpha order (if I've missed introducing someone, I apologize):

Kitten's Homeschool A homeschooling mom, who has a huge heart

Mother of Shrek Mother of a 19 year old autistic man, an extremely heartfelt blog; she really shares some touching experiences

Whitterer on Autism Mother of 4, 2 boys, 2 girls (one grown), from the U.k., living in the U.S., an amazing writer, uses humor extremely effectively

That done, Kitten tagged me for a meme, here's the "rules"

The idea is that I list five old posts that I think are reflective of the evolution of this blog … In addition, I am to “tag” (”meme?”) five other blogs and they must do the same thing else suffer the usual dire consequences.

I thought this would be ridiculously hard, but it was kind of fun, looking through the old posts. It was not easy narrowing them down. My topics, really, have not changed much, although some. Anyway, I'll more or less, let the posts speak for themselves. I won't be able to stand a little commentary.

1). The "Still Not Done" post: One of my first. Some of you might have thought that this blog was started to document Jamie's adoption. Wrong. It was started nearly (almost a year) later. We did do a blog for that, and by we, I think I mean Darren. I may have done the writing. He definitely did the posting. The blogging part of that trip is all a blur for me, except that friends and family were all annoyed at the infrequency of updates while we were in China. And anyone who thinks it's easy to escape your wife and new 19 month old to blog is welcome to try it :-). Anyway, this blog was started to document the building of our new house, towards the end, as my frustration level grew, and I needed an outlet. The end of the post has one of my favorite quotes, although it is much too long to really be one of those pithy, cute quotes. Of course, I don't post about building the house anymore, but landscaping and painting, you're going to hear about it.

2). But the sun won't come up . . .: We've moved in. I've included this because it was a defining point in the blog. The main reason for the blog changes. No more contractors (well, some, but not everyday), no more inspections; the blog becomes more normalized about life, my thoughts, emotions, knitting. In theory, it shouldn't continue, yet, it does. Not to mention, sleep, or lack of it, is ever present in our life.

3). 3 years ago: The 3rd anniversary of Jamie's adoption. Jamie plays a huge part of the blog, as he does of my life. It only makes sense that a post about him, about our family, would make the list.

4). FAQS I get about Homeschooling: Since I've only recently begun homeschooling, it's only recently begun showing up in my blog. This is one of the first posts I wrote about it. I imagine, much like the blog has changed, my answers to this questions will change.

5). It's not Easy: A tribute to my husband; he makes everything else possible. In every post, he is there, in the background, even if he is not mentioned, as he frequently is.

O.k., so now I'm going to cheat. I'm not going to tag anyone one. I found it a lot of fun to read over my past entries. However, picking wasn't easy. If this sounds like something that you would enjoy, consider yourself tagged. I enjoy everyone's blog I read (otherwise I wouldn't read it) and I think it's a great way to get to see some of their past without sorting through all of their past entries. But, you, my loyal readership, now up to 3, decide for yourself if you wish to particpate.

My knitting mojo has left the building

After a flurry of activity in August, I seem to be unable to make any progress. I have 3 WIP: my bombshell, for myself, nothing going wrong (yet), just progressing at a snail's pace, Darren's sock (Ugh, I'll explain), and a scarf I started because it would be easy and I could donate it to the Rd Scarf project, and then I lost it, and then I found it, and then I lost it, and now I've found it, all within the first foot (it won't be done for this year).

But, October brings Socktoberfest, and I have decided to set the bar for myself low, so that I can trip over it and somehow succeed.

Some may remember that I chose to knit Darren's socks magic loop, two at once. The needle I chose to do this on was barely adequate and the piper has come to call while the rooster has come to roost or whatever saying you like best; something has come home and it ain't good. I've reached the ankle, picked up my stitches, and the needle is just too damn short. Too far to turn back, too tangled to go on, I did the only sensible thing, and put the socks in time out.

But, I am determined to finish the ankle in October. You see, that is a low bar. I am not determined to finish the socks, just the ankles. But, I will not, as god is my witness, ever be hungry again. Oh, wait, that's not it. I will not buy another friggin' needle to do it. Yeah, that's it. I knit myself into this and I will knit myself out of this. There it is. Two ankles. One sock. And, I suspect, some stitch holders. The game is on.

The e on my keyboard is inconsistent. It's bothering me.

I have also given up coffee as a food group. Not coffee, just a pot a day. I get my one lonely cup and then I move on to tea. This explains some of my random thoughts. I know, it's still a caffeinated beverage, but I consume it at a slower pace. I gulp coffee and sip tea. I've realized that I am in an ever spiralling circle of exhaustion; more coffee, skipping meals, more coffee, pb&j, more coffee. Time to break the cycle. Repeat after me: coffee does not replace food or sleep. At least, not for a long period of time.