James (note the name change from Jamie, a recent decision) has made many development leaps in the past few weeks: falling asleep on his own (finally), occasionally sleeping on his own, note the name change, definitely noting the boy/girl play, although still playing with either gender (thankfully, although talking over the issue), eating up schoolwork and asking for more, little things that happen so slowly I've hardly noticed, baths to showers and on his own, getting his own food and drinks, I'm sure I'm missing some.
But, with every developmental leap, he clings, as if he is unsure of his new self. And in some areas, he slides. I've gone from "mom" to "mommy," which, for the record, I was never called, it was always "mama." And I seem to have no alone time anymore. I know that as he becomes more comfortable with these changes, this will pass. That it is healthy that he can come to me, that he needs me (and Darren) to see him through his growth; we all need a support system to rely on when we make huge changes.
I, however, am a introvert by nature. I need my alone time to regroup, refresh, be healthy. And I am finding myself drained, short, ungiving. By the time he is done with me, it is time for me to make dinner and be giving to my husband. I find myself begging him to watch a longer movie during the day (me, who allows him just one movie a day, saying, "You know, that movie isn't very long . .. "). I need this time to pass, so I can see to myself again.
So, how do you, if you do, find the balance between caring for those you love and yourself?
Thursday, January 17, 2008
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9 comments:
Well I have no solutions. You just shed some light on Becca's behaviour though. Lately she has been glued to my side, but a lot for things have changed with her personally and in her world. J returning to work after a month off was the END OF THE WORLD for both kids. Quiet time ended when we arrived here :( So we just have the movie and sometimes she says she does nto feel like it and just wants to READ. I said to J the other night that life could be really worse and I really shouldn't complain but I had read like 25 books that day and burnt out. 25 BOOKS.
Oh please tell me I am not alone in HATING puzzles. I do not want to limit my child's hand eye coordination but if I have to "help" piece together one more puzzle I may do mad.
Like you I need space and time to sort my thoughts during the day.
What an awesome AP mommy you are! It's so refreshing to see a parent that has an understanding of their child's need for comfort as well as their need for independence. You rock!
I have many days like you describe. I feel like I spend all my time giving. Give the kids comfort, nourishment, education, structure, etc. Then give the hubby attention (he's a bit clingy himself). Some evenings I feel like I could scream when someone just touches me. I feel like the entire family couldn't function without my constant assistance. *I* have needs too! And I feel like if I continued this without a break, I would start to resent my family for all the things I give them willingly. That's not fair to any of us.
So on those nights, I make an announcement: After the kids have their baths, hubby will get them to bed and find something to do on his own while I take one entire hour (or two) to read, play on the computer, watch tv, knit.. whatever. And I will not be disturbed during this time. Everyone was a bit resistant at first, and I had to remind the kids I was taking a break. But after a few times, everyone realized they didn't die without Mom's help, and I'm much gentler and happier afterwards.
I don't have this problem as much any more. I do know what it was like when my kids were younger. I occasionally feel a little that way on really busy days. I used to do crafts and I took some evening painting classes. I also had my kids in bed by 8 at that age, even if they read until 11 like my oldest. I had to have my time to do things.
So hard! Balance is tough. I go out with friends when I can for dinner. Sometimes I kick J and M out of the house! I have to be home alone sometimes for some quiet! So glad with the progress being made!
You are really fantastic to James and Darren. I'm always impressed by your patience and energy. I suspect me time is an important part of that. As for my own me time, well I'm packing.....
I feel the same many times. Like I just need a break...to get a break! Some peace, some quiet, some solitude.....:-)
Developmental stages can be both exciting and scary, for us and for our little ones. Good luck! Hugs to both of you.
I hear ya on this alone time! But like you said, This too shall pass. What he is going through is normal child behavior for his age.
Oh, sometimes you just have to put Dad on child duty and declare it "Mom's Day Off." You could . . .
*Have a bubble bath.
*Read a book.
*Watch a grown-up show on tv.
*Take a walk.
*Call a friend and speak for 30 minutes UNINTERRUPTED.
At first it's hard and you WILL feel guilty, but you will learn to love and cherish the time spent with just yourself.
Be sure to put yourself on your daily schedule. Us Moms are so loving, and giving of life, nourishment and strength to others that we forget we also have to give those exact things to ourselves.
Take the time you need, and don't consider it an intrusion on your family's time. This is an investment in your sanity and serenity and this will lead to a more peaceful, joyful, fulfilling, and non-resentful family life in the end.
Take care of you!
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